My Bumblebees (3)

This post continues to talk about the men who have been a valuable part of my tentative explorations of the dating app world:

Sourabh, 38, the kind of man one needs to be wary of, the ‘married’ kind:

A cautionary tale. Of course, our conversation lasted for only 2-3 hours, but still the digital world can have you spellbound and intoxicated on a conversation that kicks off rather well. Long story short – fantastic repartee, humour-chemistry – bang on, got flirtatious very quickly, such a fun time chatting, sexting commences, says the ‘right’ things about consent being valuable etc, aaaaaaaaaaaand at the end of the third hour of glorious chatting reveals he is married!!!!

UGH!

This one really pissed me off. I have had a couple of married men on my feed earlier as well, but at least they had the decency of letting this be known to me within minutes and then it was my choice to end the chat respectfully. I have no interest in indulging married men’s treacheries. They should deal with their marital struggles and charades on their own time.

Anyway, for a man that spoke so eloquently about ‘consent‘ this guy, Sourabh, did not give me consent in the matter of flirting with a married man. Yuck! I told him as such and unmatched. He was defiant till the end – replying ‘this is early’ to my complaint of “why didn’t you reveal your marital status to me earlier?”. Yuck.

He said “you wouldn’t have spoken to me if I had told you I was married!” And to that I say “yes, you got that right. I wouldn’t have.”

But what does one gain by lying or hiding something from the person in front of them, if its going to end in bad energy. What’s the point? Those 3 hours of banter and sexting with a stranger who leaves the chat pissed off with you? So weird. I do not get it at all.

Nothing is more of a turn off than a cowardly lie and deception.

Sourabh taught me that people can be full of shit & can talk themselves into believing their behavior is justified, no matter how off-colour it might be. Ugh.

Chaitanya, 39, a perfectly platonic friend, a gift to me sent by Bumble:

Chai came into my life when I was taking a little quiet break from dating apps. I opened the Bumble app after weeks and the first thing I saw was that Chai had superswiped on me. I naturally responded (I usually engage with superswipes to be polite and also out of curiosity) there and then, said “hello”. We hit it off conversationally from the get-go. I liked chatting with him, it was quite easy and comfortable. Like minds etc., he is far more articulate and intellectual than I, I suppose. He was also a fan of psychedelics (hasn’t interacted with Ayahuasca yet).

I have to state here that I was still looking for raunchy sexting, flirtatious type of conversations, so this was different. NO hint of that in chatting with Chai. After a couple of days of chatting, he categorically mentioned that he is looking for a platonic friendship only. Not only did this surprise me, but also irked me a bit. Not that I was attracted to him yet, but I wondered aloud whether one can predict/ pre-decide that any sort of attraction will be off the table.

But I went with his judgment, and he was so right! I am grateful that he had that clarity. After that declaration and understanding, I believe our conversations became more fluid, they were relieved of any “dating” protocols and tangents. We were just two people talking and sharing our minds and thoughts and stories with each other. We have stayed in touch all through these months, might be coming close to a year now (I think we crossed paths on the app in October’2024).

Chai is a sincere wonderful human. When I was in Bombay in March-June 2025, he drove to Bombay for some errand he was running for a friend and made time to come over to see me. I fed him, we smoked together a little bit and he drove off to Pune (where he resides). It was easy being in his presence. Aaaah, wonderful.

I have a good friend in him. I am glad he superswiped on me.

Neil, 34, kinky, desirous, body-positive, erstwhile Reddit exhibitionist, a butterfly, a master at the disappearing act but adorable still:

Neil and I connected on the app one rather lonely night. He used to be a Reddit exhibitionist. He is quite charming. He started his conversation with me quite vulnerably, where he stated his angst and sadness at always being kinkified with his female partners, never cuddled or loved. I thought that was rather cute of him.

We didn’t begin flirting till some time passed. First we exchanged media. Mostly him. He shared with me some of his library (with his partners, all faceless of course). I told him about the fact that I am a naturally gifted photographer and he invited me to shoot some of his sexual dalliances (in the future). Frankly, I have been asked this by a few people now and I am mighty curious. I would love to be in the room when two or more people enjoy each other and I just take candid gorgeous pictures of them. Aaah. What beauty that’ll be!

Anyway, we lost touch pretty quickly. but while I was in Bombay, he got in touch with me again. Something terrible had been happening to him while he was AWOL. Some sort of weird nerve-muscle dysfunction in his right arm/ forearm.

He declared that he was in need of some TLC (which apparently I have become associated with for the dating app folk I have come to know). He was in pain, physical pain, surgery was due, he was jammed at work all the time and he was leaving Bombay the next morning to fly for his surgery abroad (the inexplicable arm-nerve thing).

I was fond of him, even though he had been quite absent (understandably so), so I invited him over. He came over that night. The first thing he said to me, inexplicably was, “You look just like your pictures!”. I wondered silently, “is that good or bad for you?” haha.

We sat across the sofa from each other while he looked at me with zero flirtation, zero interest in me as a woman, but definite interest in me as a person. We spoke for a couple of hours. He looked so tired, emotionally, physically and spiritually that evening. I gave him a hug with his consent. I laughed a lot at his “sex stories”, which he narrated with great sheepishness (his shtick in life at that moment in time seemed to be “look at me, women have sex with me and forget that they did – its happened to me more than twice!” haha).

He seemed like a lovely quirky fella. Tall and handsome, very cute conversationally. But he looked defeated (his mysterious and sudden arm dysfunction must have taken a toll on him). I wanted to hold him and soothe his soul. But I stayed in my lane.

After a couple of hours, it was getting late for me (ever the early morning riser person), and so he left for his hotel from where he would leave for the airport the next morning.

We said goodbyes and good nights and all the bests etc.

Next morning he messaged me “you are quite the lovely woman”. I was surprised by this because I didn’t get anything from him when we were sitting across from each other. He went on to confess to me that he would like to be intimate with me. Of course we never met again. This man/ boy is too much of a butterfly for my liking. Vanishes randomly. Not my style of friendship.

So many men have been being themselves and in doing so they have been teaching me valuable things about Myself. What I like, what turns me on, what’s off-putting, what quality of interactions inspire me, what quality of presence is good enough for me, etc. and I am grateful for each person I have crossed paths with.

Its interesting to me how each person that I have had the privilege to meet through these apps – they all seem to have some pieces of the puzzle missing – for me. Someone is utterly adorable and goofy and sexy but entirely too flakey. Someone is super hot, but lacks the warmth that would hook me. Someone else is super-warm but their touch doesn’t ignite anything in me. Super interesting. And also quite frustrating, to be candid.

GJN, 40, sent me pictures of his daily coffee, my favourite unavailable man, runs away from me:

This guy. Uff, this guy. I love this guy (not love love, but deep liking and affection).He is a heart-breaker for me. He is very cute, goofy, silly, has a hilarious high pitched voice, but something about him is so disarming, wow. Ever since we began chatting (I think Dec’2024), he has sent me pictures of his daily coffees – placeholders for “good morning” or “good evening”, sending me occasional pictures of him in his office gym, or of him getting a haircut. Its the most adorable simple thing he does, but it makes me feel great affection for him.

From what I have understood talking to him for so many months, and also meeting him just the one time (he refused to meet me again) is that he is an absolute lover of cats or animals in general, loves women, loves women’s bodies (whatever shape or size), doesn’t really like himself (says he can’t stomach receiving pleasure, only wants to “give” to a lover in bed), is allergic to affection (esp. my brand of affection), wants to stay unattached (in all the ways possible) at any cost.

I think he is deeply scarred/ burnt out after the long-term love-relationship he shared with his last partner (breakup in 2019).

One of his big pleasures in life is cunnilingus – he is a simple man (hehe). He wants me to sit on his face and since I find no such urgency to do so, he has written me off. I need to kiss and make out for hours, he doesn’t care about that. All he wants is “sit on my face”. I can’t be bothered to lie or manipulate the truth just to be liked, so he knows clearly that I don’t get much pleasure from a man “eating me out” (at least not in my limited experience yet).

He won’t even allow me to befriend him properly. Sometimes he can be really harsh and rude, cut and dry – I have observed and concluded that he is mighty moody. I really like him still. I feel a sort of “cuteness/ affection” aggression for him. I want to hug him tight, I want to show him my friendly love. I want to pamper him a bit. But he simply won’t let me.

I think he is quite hot and cute, He doesn’t agree. He is stupid. Hehe.

We are still in touch. I hope it remains that way. He is an ass but I like him, a lot.

We are meme-friends now.

Oh and much like Karsh, GJN is a body-positive cheerleader. Aaaaah, I adore this creature, to no avail. I don’t think he will ever meet me again. I honestly think he is scared of me. My light is too bright for him is what I have noticed. Too much cuteness, love and affection – he doesn’t want it.

Shrug emoji.

Vinay, 38, a BDSM guy, greatly wounded yet deeply gentle, compulsively magnanimous, the boy who slept soundlessly while holding me all night:

This one is/ was so interesting for me to look at from a zoom out, macro perspective. I randomly swiped on him, following another hunch and once again my hunch didn’t lead me astray. I got to briefly know a lovely human. What a twinkle in his eyes he got when he would smile, aaaah, gorgeous yet tortured man.

Vinay seems like a man who loves everyone, yet hates them all at the same time. Chivalrous at the cost of his own wellbeing and mental health. “I shall pay for everything, everyone, gender doesn’t matter”. “I pamper everyone, I take care of everyone, all of the time”. The latest relationship (now over) ruined women/ love for him – he had the misfortune of dating a co-worker half his age, emotionally unformed, abusive, manipulative, unavailable, care-less, uncaring, downright hateful. My heart goes out to him for being subjected to and believing all the shit she conveyed to him through her actions and words. What a bastard (her)!

Anyway, despite being so heartbroken, Vinay was always wonderful to me. On our first night of matching up and chatting, we got on a voice call and had such a delightful easy-flowing conversation. We talked, exchanged notes on taboo topics, I learnt that he was big on BDSM (I was still quite, and still am, ignorant about the concept) and “eating a woman out”. He sounded like he knew his stuff. I felt instantly comfortable with him, for he is a genuinely warm dude.

I met him once, while I was in Bombay. He was going through a rough time spiritually, emotionally. He came over one evening, to “bask in my sunshine” (his words). He was in severe need for some TLC and I am just the person for it. He laid his head in my lap, while we shared my living room sofa, watching a ridiculously bad Jason Statham movie – while he lay in my lap, I played with his hair (lovely lovely dense curly hair), I caressed his back with my fingertips. He said he was in heaven. We stayed like that for the entire duration of the movie.

I fed him some pasta I had cooked up earlier. We then retired to my bedroom, to watch another movie – a kickass one this time – Brad Pitt’s Bullet Train – this time I wanted to be cuddled. He obliged. Soon, his hands were on my midriff under my crop top. Hmmm… lovely gentle warm touch.

We stopped the movie and made out a little. Very little. I knew he wasn’t in the right frame of mind. He was carrying a ton of demons on his back, but still so bloody gentle and loving with me. Love the guy.

That night, I made him disrobe (he didn’t mind) and I just ran my fingertips all over his torso and back, trying to soothe him. I spooned him, kissed him gently all over his back. He didn’t ask I do so, neither did I plan to. It just happened. I think my role that night was to show him unconditional love and affection and his lesson was to “simply receive”. And he did. He was very tired, not having slept previously at all. So he very sweetly fought the inevitable blanket of sleep to stay present with me. I noticed this struggle and asked him to just let it be. It felt like I caressed his beautiful skin for hours until he fell asleep.

Before that happened, I got half naked with him as well. He was so gentle and sweet with me. Spooned me for a bit, kissed me a bit. Such a gentle kisser ufff.

It took a lot of self-control for me to not molest him that night haha. I knew it wasn’t the right time to engage physically beyond a point – I never wish to engage physically with anyone who is depressed, angry at the world, feels immense lack, or anxiety. ANy sexual/ physical activity is a massive exchange of energy and I do not wish to be absorbing such energy from anyone, nor do I want to burden a willing partner with my heebeedajeebies (whenever that happens). More importantly, he was too fragile at the time and far be it from me to initiate some serious sexual stuff with someone in that state.

Physical intimacy, penetration etc needs to be a celebration between two souls and bodies. Level playing field. Both emotionally healthy, compatible, happily combustible.

Anyway, he fell asleep after some time. I realised that he is a beautiful dude. Wow. But he didn’t know it himself. He didn’t accept or understand his own beauty, on account of having shitty ex-partners, who had slowly torn his self-image down. What a shame!

I love this guy. We spent the night together, simply sleeping. Well, I hardly got any sleep. I was just amazed at the fact that he held on to my waist all night, ALL NIGHT, through deep sleep. I tossed and turned, but he never let my waist go. It was so damn sweet.

The last time this sort of thing happened was with my ex-husband. for years, he would sleep holding me in his arms. It was the sweetest thing. And I got to taste it again. Awwww.

Next morning we got some breakfast, after which we were planning to hang out at my place again, but then due to some logistical emergency, he had to head back home for the day, which was over 50km away. I hugged him tight and saw him off.

He told me later on that He felt deeply emotional and overwhelmed when I was showing him love with my touch the previous night – He was like “is this normal?”, “is this how people behave with people they like?”, “am I deserving of this affection?”, “I had no idea!”. WTF. What a damn shame. It breaks my heart when someone doesn’t think they deserve basic human decency and a lovely sort of affectionate love from others. WTF.

I have been down in the dumps a lot, but never have I felt this way – the way Vinay has been made to feel about himself and about his lack of deservability. My goodness. It made me sad and angry at the same time.

Another defining thing about Vinay at that moment in time was also this – He hated the world, he hated people, was cynical, skeptical of people and their intentions (gender no bar). I know this is a stark and complete mismatch from how I feel about the world and myself. So I sensed that unfortunately we wouldn’t gel energetically. And also because I have become highly aware of my tendency to slip on an age-old ‘saviour complex’ – I now refuse to don that role for long. Everyone is here on their own journey. We play roles in each other’s lives and then we must mind our own spiritual business. I loved on him that night because I went with the flow, but as I big him goodbye that morning, I sort of knew that our story sort of ends there. It made me sad too. Because my god what a gentle dude. His eyes smile when he smiles. And with me, he smiled quite a lot.

I felt so excited by the thought of him being a BDSM savant, because of his inherent gentleness & liking for me. He had spoken to me quite a bit (before we had met) about BDSM and the dynamics within it, some specific role-play ideas (he is a dom) which were so hot, wow!

Alas, I don’t think we shall meet again to play them out. Ah, well. What can be done…

But I wish Vinay all the bestestest best in his life. He deserves only happiness and sweetness and loyalty and love. Bless him.