Bald, Bold & My BumbleBees (1)

Anjuri 3.0 – Turning 40 in 2024:

This post is about all the big changes that have shaped the second half of 2024 and in hindsight all these changes seem connected to my Ayahuasca ceremonies in October’2023 – ceremonies that left me agog, aghast, lost, and uncertain about the future.

However, I can now understand some of what She (Mumma Aya) was cryptically trying to let me know through the visions I and others had experienced throughout our 3 ceremonies in 2023.

THE BALD & THE BOLD: Shaving my head & The ‘Feminine Lust’ Series

One of the first big things that define my 2024 was shaving my head (read previous post). I shaved my head in June end 2024. I haven’t been the same since. This is a new version of Me, a version I am still learning about in 2025.

Secondly, I finally began to depict, through art, my sexual desires, the power of my pleasure, the power of my orgasm – all the feelings, urges and insight that different psychedelic substances had been freeing up in me over the last few years. In hindsight, it seems like shaving my head opened me up even more, unburdened me of more shame and hesitation that I had held on to as a sexual being, as a feminine creature, as a free wild woman that I am slowly becoming. (ASAP – As slowly as possible)

I began painting my ‘feminine lust‘ series, a first of its kind I had ever attempted. These paintings were about my pleasure, my body, my shaved head, my desire. My often naked desire, out there for the beholder to admire, worship, consume, consider, from a respectful distance. This pleasure was for me, by me, of me.

And as the year 2024 progressed from July to November, so did my art and other social-sexual-romantic experiments/ adventures.

(to read about the meaning behind each, please visit @anjuri.irujna on Instagram)

These are just a few of the ‘Feminine Lust Series’ digital paintings I created over the second half of 2024, as I kept discovering more and more of my sexual desires and an urgent need to individualistically & cathartically express the same.

Next I will spill the beans on a remarkable & unprecedented chapter of my life – dating apps and the men who have been healing me, amusing me, comforting me, confusing me, confounding me, befriending me, to say the least. But this chapter of 2024-25 is ongoing and in fact has co-existed with the Lust Series mentioned above. They go hand in hand. My feminine lust series and my dating app adventures have poured into each other beautifully.

THIS BIRD & THE (BUMBLE)BEES:

Before I get into the matter of my Bumble & Hinge men – men who have had a significant impact on me as a woman and human, I would like to briefly elaborate on the evolution I experienced in my intent and purpose of being on these apps.

I joined Bumble after feeling persistently bored and deeply lonely. Since, I was living with my family in Kanpur, my familial-home-city, and I wasn’t working a job (where one naturally gets to meet like-minded people), I felt like I was missing natural opportunities to meet single people, specifically single men, even just to converse with, to be friends with.

This had been the truth for four years, but now finally it was hitting home, because I had been gradually changing – Since 2020 (when I first unexpectedly moved back to my familial home after 18 years of being away), I had grown from a woman dealing with divorce and its aftermath, the grief, the heavy feelings of failure, disillusionment, fractured sense of self and self-confidence, identity confusion, a fortressed heart, a sense of stoic retirement from the world – into a woman who was increasingly healed from all the above – not entirely but in recovery. Speedy recovery. And ever since I partook in my second round of Aya ceremonies in Oct’2023, some changes and shifts were happening rapidly, without me being able to process them fast enough.

I wanted company all of a sudden – male company, male energy in my life. I wanted to hear a man’s voice in my ears, a man’s touch on my skin, I wanted to cuddle, I wanted to have late night conversations, I wanted male attention, I wanted to flirt and be flirted with, I wanted to feel desired, and to desire. I wanted excitement, I wanted butterflies.

I had been feeling more and more like a feminine woman again (after a few years of feeling almost androgynous, a few years of disassociating with my wounded womanhood) – Mumma Ayahuasca had really tried to drive this point home to me during the 2023 ceremonies – telling me that my throat, breath, voice are the ultimate divine feminine assets. Showing me as a goddess to not just me, but to other people as well. Showing me the Maa Kaali ‘tongue-out’, ‘eyes wide’, ‘claws out’ demonic power figure with emphasis and asking me to practice it while I was under the influence. She showed me predator eyes so much – and I do not mean literally a predator – I doubt she was telling me to start preying on men – I think She was just trying to remind of me of ‘Power’, my Powers. Sexual or otherwise.

None of the above had made much sense to me while I was doing the ceremonies with the Aya energy, but months later when things started to feel different once I shaved my head – I began to hesitantly understand and own what She had showed me, intuitively.

Still these changes were all quite sudden. And I had no one to indulge in this ‘feminine power’ with. I had isolated myself so much since the dissolution of my marriage, that I didn’t even know of any single people – anywhere – much less in my hometown.

Someone, actually a cousin brother of mine (while I was visiting in Bombay), suggested I get on dating apps and start there. I scoffed at him. Royally. I said “dating apps are for desperate losers”. 3 weeks later, when I was all alone and sullen and bored in my Kanpur bedroom, staring at the TV blankly and feeling very emotional about my loneliness – I opened my first ever dating app account. I am not afraid to admit that I was increasingly desperate – for attention, for conversation, for friendship, for chemistry, for something, for everything!

And so my Dating App adventures began to take shape (June 2024 onwards).

After a few months of being on a couple of dating apps and just talking and existing and talking I can confidently say that There are Plenty of Safe Men out There (and I am grateful).

I state the above because I had been cautioned by friends and well-wishers and the general media/ cultural environment to be wary of the potentially dubious people present online – the scammers, the dangerous ones, the extortionists, the fake profiles, the hunters, the liars. I am happy to report that I haven’t yet come across any of the above. I have had the good fortune of getting acquainted with regular folks who are just trying their luck for some flirtation, conversation, sexting, experimentation, no-strings-attached sex, strings-attached sex, emotional fulfilment, some respect, attention, friendship, companionship, connection.

I have enjoyed almost all Bumble & Hinge conversations I have had, whether these connections have lasted a few minutes or a few months, whatever the intent or flavour they have been borne out of (barring just the one that truly pissed me off – but it was a 21-year-old brat talking out of his uncouth classless ass! so maybe I could just write that off – although I did get ‘future rapist’ vibes from him – eeeesh!)

In most or all matters in life, I go by my gut/ hunch and haven’t yet been put in harm’s way on either Bumble or Hinge because of it.

[I have even escaped cringe people to a large extent, although lately (mid 2025) I am noticing that a lot of the men are hyper-sexual in their conversations, right at the very start – this has troubled me lately. I mean, whatever happened to simply chatting with a woman as you would, if you met them face to face for the first time – would you straight away ask her “how’s your tongue game?” after just being introduced to her? But I must also state here, in all honesty, that I myself have been evolving in what I am looking for from the dating app world – hence maybe what grates on my nerves today, didn’t a few months ago]

Coming back to the beginning of my dating app journey, I kept being curious, kept going by my gut’s radar, exploring and experimenting, being respectful, warm and forthcoming with whoever crossed this path I have been on – with the innate belief that I am safe (energetically) and protected.

Before talking about the men I allude to above, with whom I have had the good fortune to interact, I want to share the state of mind I was in at the time of opening my first ever dating app account. 29th of June, 2024. I was bored and lonely, as I had been for most evenings/ nights of the year. I had been staunchly (albeit ignorantly) judgmental of the dating app world previously. I used to scoff at the Tinder phenomenon – the hook-up culture inspired only my disdain.

Even the concept of Dating per se was so alien to me since the last time I dated was in 2006 – 18 years ago, when I began ‘seeing’ my now-ex-husband – and we didn’t really date much, we very quickly fell in love and were in a committed relationship within a couple of months and eventually got married to each other!!

I had hardly ever been single even before I got married at the age of 28 and didn’t have much dating experience in general – as I had always been in loving long-term relationships throughout my teens and adult life.

So at the age of 39 (turned 40 in August’2024), dating seemed ‘impossible‘, or at the very least ‘improbable‘. Plus I definitely had no clear clue as to whether I would even want to be in any sort of relationship with anyone at this point or in the near future. More on this a bit later.

So yeah, I was super-bored one evening, bored out of my skull, curious and very very lonely – and BAM! On a random whim, surprising even myself, I downloaded Bumble on my phone and opened an account. Upon recently shaving my head, I had clicked a few pictures of Me in this new avatar, and decided to only upload those ‘shaved head’ pictures from the profile. Even though I had zero expectations from this endeavour, especially given my shaved head, I diligently wrote out the entire bio and other prompts that make up one’s profile on the app (I mention this here to showcase my sincere effort and intent to explore this world, in stark contrast to the countless wordless profiles I have since come across)

One more detail that is plenty important here is that at the very start, I was not interested in meeting anyone in person. I merely wanted textual conversations, willing to talk on the phone at max. This decision was based on a few things:

1. I had not dated in decades;

2. I didn’t know what to expect;

3. I had clarity on the fact that I was bored out of my mind and missed the company of men, even just conversation with them;

4. I was guided by a great desire to protect myself at all costs, to not subject myself to alien stressful situations like meeting absolute strangers;

5. I wanted to avoid any and all rejection and bruising of the ego at the hands of strangers – given my age (near 40), my shaved head, my body image (“plus size” girl) baggage

6. I didn’t think I need to physically meet men because I wasn’t going to expose myself to unknown energies anyway;

7. I just wanted some sort of fantasy/ stimulation/ pastime to begin with etc.

8. A big whopping reason also being that I spend most of my year in Kanpur, a small city in north of India, where its good to assume there are no eligible men (as a demographic, people my age, intelligent/ attractive people my age as per my standards) here for me! Most people my age are married here, with kid(s) for sure. And at this time (of opening my Bumble & Hinge account), I had assumed that my ‘dating pool’ is men MY AGE (40+). That has of course had to change/ expand over the course of my ‘dating app’ journey, based on the cold hard facts. More on this later.

Due to a cocktail of the above (and other) motivations, I clearly stated my divorce in my bio along with the fact that I would only be available on text and/ or voice call (at max).

One curveball came my way when I reached the section “choose your dating goal“. I was flummoxed – I truly had no clue. As per usual, I went with “choice by elimination”. I chose “intimacy without commitment” & “ethical non-monogamy” (other options included “long term relationship”, “marriage”, & “fun casual dates”). I had to pick something, so I did.

Voilà, I had done all I was supposed to, to exist on the app platform. I closed the app, put my phone aside and switched the TV on to resume watching a Korean show. After some time had passed, an hour or so, I picked up my phone, went to the Bumble app, and much to my surprise I had 1000+ likes on my profile already!

I was very surprised by the number of Likes/ Swipes, as I hadn’t known what to expect from this endeavour. It was a bit overwhelming honestly, and seemed fake – the insane number of likes. How could there be so many within minutes of me being present on this app!? I felt a bit uncertain as to how to go about swiping back… But I began nevertheless. The first man I swiped back on, he was my age, but turned out to be quite rude/ crass. I unmatched at the first sign of rudeness but because I don’t get discouraged easily, I carried on looking through the likers/ swipers, to like back/ ‘match’ and start a conversation.

In the weeks that followed that first night on Bumble I happened to converse and spend ‘virtual’ time with quite a few darling men. I wish to share my perspective on some of these men and what they have each taught me/ added to my life:

They say ,“We don’t meet people by accident… There’s always a reason – they’re either a lesson or a blessing” – and I find this to be true (well… mostly)

SARTHAK, 34, a lusty mirage, the emotional intelligence of an amoeba, a giant flaming red flag, a bundle of tailor-made lessons for me:

That is when I came across Sarthak (34 years of age, even though he had listed 36 as his age on the profile – I still do not know why). I had no way of knowing this then, but Sarthak would go on to become a great teacher to me, a great cautionary tale, a tailor-made lesson that would shape everything that followed.

Sarthak and I texted for hours on end that very first night. We clicked instantly in terms of humour, banter and began flirting/ sexting within half an hour of texting. It was a thrill. My first dating app conversation and it was killer! The pull towards this dude who refused to even share his apparently ‘higher-pitched voice that I wouldn’t like‘, but texted me like a champ who turned me on mercilessly, kept growing day by day, chat by chat. Coincidentally, he was shortly moving to my city for work and there was a chance to meet him. I was wary of meeting anyone for the reasons stated earlier. My mind is overactive and it can build worlds – it definitely can build a man up in my head.

More than a month went by, Sarthak moved to my hometown, and wanted to meet and f*ck. Despite my baggage & reservations about hookups (I believe any meeting or touch to be an energy exchange – sex is definitely a giant energy exchange – hell even just kissing is – we leave traces of our quality of energy in others when we touch them or love them or invest in them), even I wished to experience Him after all the sexy build-up.

When I finally met him, after just interacting with him on text (he hadn’t ever shared voice notes with me, so I didn’t even know how he sounded!) it was so deeply underwhelming – my god! – he had looked far better and towering in his pictures than in real life (lesson learnt), he sounded uneducated in person whereas he was perfectly sophisticated on text (lesson learnt), he couldn’t at all engage with me physically because of the emotional trauma he hadn’t even touched with a pole (no pun intended) through his ongoing divorce.

Despite claiming how he would “light my world on fire” and “heal me sexually” (lesson learnt – someone who claims to do so IS MOSTLY FULL OF SHIT), he turned out to be a deeply wounded boy in person himself (totally warped sense of the world and himself) as opposed to the “healed/ sorted” manly man that he postured to be online (lesson learnt), he had lied about his age and said “what’s the big deal about 2 years?” (he was 34, and hadn’t corrected me when I wished him a very happy 36th birthday) – well I agree, there is no big deal about a difference of 2 years – the bigger deal is willing to go along with misinformation about yourself (lesson learnt).

Overall, after meeting Sarthak, I realised my worth, I realised the value of my time, attention, focus and lust. I realised that I must hear someone’s voice before I can proceed to flirt (I am greatly attracted to someone’s voice, their way of speaking), that I must not place so much import on the pictures someone displays – they can be quite misleading and well ‘postured’. Honestly, I do not understand why people would want to mislead others, especially when there is intent to meet in person at some point. Just be Yourself, man/ woman!!!

(To take care of this at my own end, I have chosen my displayed pictures to be ones where I was unambiguously smiling right into the camera – saying here, look at me! This is Me, honestly – this is my round face, this is how I appear from top to toe).

No photography trickery, no posturing. My double chin says hello on my profile.

In fact, in order to avoid accidentally misleading anyone with clever photography, I repeatedly tell people (while we text/ chat) that I am ’round’, ‘big’, ‘chubby’ so that they never feel shortchanged if & when we do meet. This tendency of mine now borders on the ‘overkill’/ to the point of even dissuading people. More on this later.

Sarthak, this 34 year old emotionally-infantile boy, taught me large marquee lessons that I shall never forget. Because of him I actually began bending my rule of ‘never wanting to meet anyone from these apps’. I met a few people to decide whether I want to invest further in a conversation/ person (even if its just further flirtation).

Also, most importantly, Sarthak taught me not to underestimate myself, not to ever doubt my level of self-awareness (its off the charts compared to the people out there – thanks to my inner work and explorations with psychedelics since 2020), not to ever undersell my remarkable self (no matter what its level of WIP it may be in the present moment), not to hide out of insecurity, not to think that any man is “too good for me” or has the upper hand, not to build anyone up in my head no matter how amazing they seem online, not to feel nervous about meeting some man from the internet – assuming they might be disappointed in how I appear or am (on the contrary most men I have met till now have nothing short of liked/ adored/ worshipped/ doted on me). More on this later.

I have to state that meeting Sarthak was actually so painful – learning that this person I had fantasised/ obsessed about, gotten attached to and idolised before meeting him was actually an immature idiot/ a ‘loser’ (apologies for this choice of words – but it is the best shorthand descriptive, trust me!). It hurt so much to become emotionally invested in a fantasy, a mirage – and that too my FIRST EVER CONNECTION IN THE DATING APP WORLD – it shook the ground beneath my feet. It made me doubt my instincts (the one thing I have come to count on). It made me afraid of my own mind. It felt terrible. I was shocked. I risked retreating back into the shadows, back into my hermit’s cave, back to pretending ‘I don’t need/ want men’.

But in hindsight this shock was necessary for a crucial and instant course-correction in how I conducted myself over the next few weeks/ months in the dating app world.

By the way, Sarthak was also the first man ever whom I asked to send me a dick-pic. Yes! I did! I solicited a dick-pic from a man I thought I deeply desired. And let me tell you, when you yourself ask for it explicitly – that dick-pic hits different (haha!). I thoroughly enjoyed receiving the picture (that I myself had asked for) and in fact I asked for another picture with a different angle and enjoyed that one too! More on this later.

(Also once again, pictures can be shockingly deceiving hahahahaa!)

GAURAV, 42, enabler, cheerleader, ‘daddy‘ as well as ‘slave’, friend, confidante, a Vipassana enthusiast:

On my 3rd day on Bumble, I was going through profiles of men who had ‘liked me’ – intending to swipe back on some. Gaurav had been at the very top of my feed since I had joined the app. Also, his age was inviting to me – after all, at the beginning I was truly expecting and looking forward to matching only with people my age (I was about to turn 40), not younger men (more on this later).

His profile (bio) was shocking to my system – it made me nervous – what he had written in his bio was so out there (something along the lines of ‘sophisticated ladies stay away, freaky hoes only‘; and under what makes a relationship successful – ‘unbridled lust‘) – he seemed crystal clear on what he desired from a match/ connection – intimidatingly so…

I skipped past his profile a few times simply because it was ‘not for me‘. Still, his face kept showing up on my feed over and over, until I finally swiped back on him, following a hunch (that sweet hunch of mine!). I don’t remember our first chat in detail, but it definitely involved me stating over and over that I am chubby & vanilla (“not a freaky hoe“), him saying that he wrote that line on his profile to steer certain stiff-upper-lip self-righteous women out of his casting net, us getting excited together about my explorations with psychedelics, me liking how he communicated, there seemed to be some sort of an intellectual chemistry between us, I kept reiterating how I am not looking to meet anyone at this stage – only texting or call, him saying “we’ll see” etc.

Within half an hour, we began flirting and sexting. It was like a house on fire. That first chat was exciting, but nothing compared to what was to come.

Gaurav & I, barring a little misunderstanding, a small tiff & a no-contact break for a couple of weeks declared/ requested by me, have been in steady communication ever since we met online.

Even though I said goodbye to him after a week of chatting constantly, because it began feeling overwhelming and all-consuming, I was the one who re-initiated conversation. Twice! (I love the guy!). And thank god I did, because my rapport with him has brought us both many gifts.

Both of us have changed as individuals (for each other) over the course of our long-standing conversation (almost a year is long-standing by dating app standards). It has now become my longest friendship with someone from the dating app world – (July’2024 to the date of writing this post i.e. June 2025 – a lovely 11 months). Oh, just to be clear, we reside in different cities (him in some obscure hidden part of the Himachali hills), so we haven’t met yet.

Very early on, Gaurav seemed to have a switch that turns me into a wanton nymph, a desirous hungry woman, at least on text. Never in a million years did I imagine this would happen, but He and I enjoyed role-playing kinky scenarios in our sexting for quite a while, and it felt deeply arousing. Through Him I began exploring my kinky imagination and also discovered its limits/ boundaries.

Over time, I have become so comfortable with him that I share my deepest darkest sexual thoughts with Gaurav, amongst many many other things. A lot of the credit goes to him for this – he is always attentive, patient, interested and conversational with me AND I require/ demand some of his time & attention unashamedly, almost every day for many months (he is working on a large personal project and is always working hard, yet he makes time for his ‘lusty goddess‘ friend!).

Of course, he enables and cheerleads this side of me for his own pleasure too – we are both clear on that – but there is more to it for me. In many ways, he has made me meet myself in a whole new light, he has made me aware of my power as a desirous and desirable woman, he worships my mind, my lust, my art, my creativity, my honesty, calls me ‘goddess‘ and also wants to be my ‘slave‘, ‘at my service‘ (in his own words – “I love to love you“, “use me for your pleasure, goddess” and I quote him here with his permission).

He is convinced that I am not vanilla (I no longer insist that I am! Well, mostly).

He regularly heaps his praises on me, about anything and everything – he (and a few others) made me realise that I have a praise kink. As more time has passed, I have stopped questioning or wondering if he is simply faking his praise (when he praises me endlessly about everything) and I have mostly surrendered to it. I choose to accept his compliments and high praise, whatever the subject matter might be.

We have spoken on the phone and we did so very early on – it was the most adorable thing in fact – this dude who was expertly being so kinky-daddy with me on text, sounds like a teenage boy over the phone (which he so cutely cautioned me about before our first call). Teenager-voice or not, He still turns me on instantly. He & I seem to have insane chemistry (this chemistry was seemingly sexual to begin with, but has now turned into a deep friendship & trust). The sexual chemistry seemed to be Combustible from the very beginning (we are waiting to see what happens if & when we meet).

Another glorious thing about Gaurav is that he wants me to unleash my ‘unbridled lust’ on as many men (and women!!) as I would like, and he loves hearing about my connections/ conversations/ sexting/ flirting/ trysts with other men. Aaah… what a new and beautiful thing it is for me. I love telling him everything I go through with any other ‘match’, and I TELL HIM EVERYTHING – NO HOLDS BARRED.

Having said the above, the most delightful & remarkable thing is still this – he and I have grown to be friends. We text almost every day. We like and respect each other as individuals. We have added facets to each other’s personalities through our ongoing connection.

For instance, I have become aware of – my inherent openness (several degrees above what I thought it was before), my kinks, my unapologetic lust, my sexual powers, my frank unashamed hunger.

AND He has become far more soft, warm, affectionate than when we began talking (he seemed allergic to vanilla love and affection when we began chatting). As he recently said to me “we have accepted each other“. So wholesome this has turned out to be – something that started as mere transactional kinky banter has evolved into a steady friendship. How gorgeous!

All this is not to say that we haven’t had any friction ever (no pun intended), but we have emerged stronger/ gentler from every misunderstanding or miscommunication we have shared. I hope to keep talking to Gaurav for years to come. Can’t wait to see in what other ways we could evolve together and as individuals.

A couple of fresh updates on our friendship –

A. Gaurav randomly mentioned to me that he has done the 11-day Vipassana course a few times and invited me to join him on the next one he was planning to attend. I didn’t end up joining him, but went for a Vipassana course by myself in Jan’2025. It has greatly benefitted me, to say the least (in the process of writing a dedicated post on my Vipassana adventure). And the first person I spoke with after coming back from Vipassana was Gaurav – telling him all about my experience and clarifying any doubts or queries I had about the experience (G is an veteran Vips person)

B. Our relationship has changed quite a bit in 2025 – we no longer stay in touch constantly, but we still are around for each other if we need each other for just attention or checking-in once in a while. We still haven’t met, but hope to.

KARSH, 29 yo, long-haired kinky-soft-daddy, inclined towards older women, an artful exhibitionist, naturally a body-image healer, my chocolate:

Karsh & I began texting after much hesitation on my part, just a few days after Gaurav & I did, given the difference in our ages (29 and 40). Like Gaurav, I kept seeing his profile on my “people who liked you” page, but skipped swiping on it because he was much too young.

At that time (July’2024) I assumed he would be immature (I was when I was his age), that he wouldn’t be able to hold a conversation with me, that we wouldn’t be on the same wavelength, that I wouldn’t enjoy talking to him, that he couldn’t add anything to my life, that I would somehow feel ‘old’ talking to him, that he might have some bizarre ‘older woman fetish’ and he wouldn’t be able to look past that and fail to see me as simply a human being (as opposed to just a kink-vessel).

I am pleased to say that he shook up all of my assumptions. Amen!

One thing that was striking about him was his waist-long jet black thick lion’s mane (I felt the instant urge to play with, praise & pull that lush hair). Oooof. So beautiful it looked in the pictures. I do not remember what his bio said but I was intrigued. I liked what he had shared of himself on the app. He seemed sweet, and I kept coming back to his profile over and over. Finally after a week or so, I swiped back on him to start a conversation. I was pleasantly surprised by how well we got on.

He openly admitted to having an inclination towards and liking for older women. Said its a favourite fantasy of his, but he didn’t pigeonhole me in that archetype. We had fun chatting. Within a couple of days we exchanged numbers and left the app platform, much like with Gaurav. Our communication was smooth, cordial, cute and mildly horny.

I don’t recall when he began to do so, but Karsh very quickly became a teacher to me – he introduced me to new concepts (things that I may have been aware of but hadn’t explored before talking with him), he encouraged me to take a BDSM test to see where I sit on the spectrum, he told me about the kinky side to Reddit, he introduced me to the act of exhibitionism (the BDSM test told me I am a bit of an exhibitionist!!!!), he encouraged me to indulge my exhibitionist side too (he is adorable – in that, he sweetly & sincerely cautioned me about exercising safety while sharing ‘personal media’ with men).

He vocally rejoiced at each piece of myself I shared with him. He celebrated my plump/ chubby body every opportunity he got, whether there were pictures involved or not. He called me ‘baby girl‘, which seemed weird at first but felt good as he did it more and more. I surrendered to it quickly. In fact, I surrendered almost all my prejudices and assumptions against the age-gap pretty quickly too.

We haven’t met either yet. But our connection carries on, we keep in touch and its always sweet and lovely and interesting, never boring or banal.

One day he introduced me to the concept of non-lactation ‘adult nursing relationship’ (ANR). I was blown away by the simple pervasive psychology underneath this budding practice. Its so beautiful in its simplicity.

He introduced me to the idea of ‘cum tributes’, and he paid such tributes to me at times too. Such a cutie! Such a teacher!

He even offered to do a little strip dance for me for my 40th birthday, as his gift to me! my god! So bloody cute!

Most importantly, he has been a no-nonsense worshipper of the female form, whatever the shape or size may be. I keep insisting that I am round and big, he keeps heaping acceptance and praise on my effusive self-assessments. Such a body-positivity soldier he has been. I love him for that. Such a natural healer! He so casually, without taking a beat, just says the most wonderful body-positive things to me when I am being a drag about my shape or size. And I never feel like he is patronizing me.

Sex or not, he always says he wants to just meet and hang out, go for a drive, go eat some momos with me (we both love momos). He wants to cuddle, snuggle, suckle on my imperfect body. He wants to rest his head on my round belly. So effing cute and crazy!

Also, just because I am fawning over his sweetness doesn’t take away from the fact that he arouses me immensely. He is a beautiful dude. A soft daddy. A sexy human, with his effortlessly gorgeous body and that bountiful hair. He sounds like a young boy when we talk on the phone. Interestingly, we have spoken on the phone a few times by now, but never once has it been anything other than just two dog-lovers chatting endlessly about random things, meaning that we have never been sexually suggestive (not even in the slightest) with each other on a call. I think the opposite might be true when we meet. Ahem.

I cannot say this enough – Karsh has a very unique way of cheerleading someone (me). Its a gushing sort of ultra-supportive, feminist, respectful but also so kinky and dirty style. Its so unique and so Him. I love the guy. May he heal, enable and champion many more women, like he does Me.

(there will be multiple posts in this series, as there have been many wonderful men who have been a part of my learning in the dating apps world)