Ayahuasca Calling – Part 3

Googling Ayahuasca – anxious thoughts before heading to the ceremonies

Before I go any further, I would like to write a bit about what Ayahuasca is, as I discovered and understand it, because I get asked that a lot when it comes up in conversation. I enjoy talking about the medicine, maybe even to a fault. But yeah, I do not talk about it with just anyone, because I want to protect my energy and feelings about my own journey.

To begin with, there are multiple articles and opinion pieces written all over the internet, which you can access and find out for yourself, like I did, before I went for the retreats. Actually, before I signed up. A few key words spoke to me and stood out when I did a cursory Google search when I first learnt about it. Curandero, Medicine, Healing, Peru, Amazonian plant, Pachamama (as she is lovingly called by practitioners/ students) etc.

“Ayahuasca is a psychedelic brew made by indigenous South American cultures that contains the monoamineoxidase inhibiting vine of Banisteriopsis caapi and the dimethyltryptamine (DMT) containing Psychotria viridis leaves.  When these two plants are combined together, they allow for potent entheogenic experiences to ensue for those who are brave enough to consume the often-nauseating drink.  Ayahuasca has been used by indigenous cultures in the Amazon for hundreds, if not thousands of years… Beyond the Amazon, ayahuasca culture and consumption is rapidly spreading around the world.”

Realitysandwich.com

I also read a few mentions of ‘drug’, ‘micro-dosing’, and references of it being a ‘fad’ or it becoming a commercialised ‘industry’. Most articles were written by Westerners, mostly Americans I believe.

A lot of them stated the horrible pungent putrid taste, many mentioned ‘the purge’ (vomiting, diarrhoea) from all ends. I had, by chance, watched Chelsea Handler’s show episode from her Chelsea Does series (or was it another one!? I’m not sure). She also highlighted the purge, rushing to the loo. But yes, most of the opinions and stories were from people who I didn’t know, who lived thousands of miles away from me, had possibly very different life circumstances than me.

I also read that there are visionary artists whose life’s works have revolved around or been greatly inspired by Ayahuasca and other psychedelics, such as Alex Gray, Pablo Amaringo, Luis Tamani, Porangui (musician) etc.

There are also a small number of illuminating documentaries about Pachamama, many of which I didn’t come to watch until much after the ceremonies.

A significant portion of the book ‘Supernatural: Meetings with the Ancient teachers of Mankind’ by Graham Hancock talks about Ayahuasca and its engagement with people’s minds, mental health and ‘healing’. Incidentally, I finished reading almost half the book (the book boasts of 600+ pages, the rest is annexe and research index etc.) before I sat in the ceremonies.

What a book! Jesus! I highly recommend it.

There are many other defining books written on the subject of psychedelics:

The Fellowship of the River: A Medical Doctor’s Exploration into Traditional Amazonian Plant Medicine by Joseph Tafur;

Listening to Ayahuasca by Rachel Harris;

The Cosmic Serpent by Jeremy Narby;

The Shaman & Ayahuasca: Journeys To Sacred Realms by Don Jose Campos;

How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan;

LSD my problem child by Albert Hoffman;

The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley;

Food of the Gods by Terrence McKenna;

amongst many many other fabulous ones.

I digressed there for a bit…

Coming back to the matter at hand. When One is completely new to the medicine (someone like me, who had never even tried marijuana or any other mind-bending substances other than alcohol before), where does One look for info? Did I know anyone who had partaken already? Yes, the person who had persuaded me the most to sign up (Namit, founder of The Lotus). That’s just one person! And I didn’t assume that I should ask him about it, he was busy and I felt shy and uncertain.

Also, I assumed that hardly any Indians may have engaged with Ayahuasca, let alone even heard of it. I was hearing about it only for like the second or third time myself. (This assumption would be proved so wrong very very soon! Apparently hoards of Indians from all walks of life have experienced ceremonies with Aya, by either traveling to various destinations including Peru or within India herself! Yes, apparently underground hush hush ceremonies have been arranged for Indians in India for longer than a decade now! WTF! And Yaay, good for people like me!)

Anyway, what does a newbie do? Begin to google of course! As I mentioned above, Google will throw out some key words at you. Curandero, purge, darkness, depression, energies, icaros etc. and a fair few propaganda pieces that underplay the medicine or portray it in bad light.

Thanks to the way I had spent my year (leading up to the ayahuasca retreat), meeting all sorts of ‘new age’ people with endlessly fascinating professional titles – I had grown to become quite comfortable and unfazed by the word ‘Curandero‘ and/or mystical experiences/ experiments. Yes, it seemed a bit hardcore, Curandero – a kind of healer or energy worker, right? I was cool with it.

Some well-meaning articles spoke about the link between the medicine and the elevation of depression, addiction and PTSD, some alerted about the dangers of partaking if one suffered from epilepsy or other neurological issues.

Like almost everything in this world, there were lovers as well as haters online. But I somehow never could be swayed away by the haters/ maligners. I was willing to acknowledge and accept that One may have an ‘out-of-control’ crazy intense ‘bad trip’ with Ayahuasca, but I have never been a believer in taking advice as the absolute truth. It’s all context, isn’t it? After all, a curse for someone may feel like a gift for someone else.

Most of the western accounts on the Mother unfailingly commented on how bad the brew/ tea/ concoction tasted. How you have to do everything in your power to swallow it and keep it down. Well, a bit repugnant, but what’s the big deal I thought!?

Then came the incessant information about the ‘purge’, about how you keep running to the loo to shit yourself, and that you are given a bucket in which you can keep vomiting, because apparently everyone vomits their brains out during ceremony. And if you’re participating in a group ceremony (most common way of partaking as far as I know), then you’d be experiencing this ‘purge’ in front of the entire group, shitting, vomiting, crying, howling, having whatever bodily experience out in the open!

This was unsettling. Very.

Also, I had signed up for the retreat (3 ceremonies in total) as an individual on my own quest, not familiar with a single soul who was participating in that group of strangers. I was okay with that, since I am pretty solitary and mostly do things on my own, like going for a movie or play (haha!).

I am a victim of my own Ego who (yes it’s like another person sitting in my head) convinces me that I am socially inadequate, not good with first impressions, come off as aggressive, possibly hostile the first time you meet me, always the outcast, the loner who may seem loud but is quite shy and holds many walls and fences in place around her, so you can’t venture in easily. Naturally, the idea of a group of strangers being privy to my process (in the days to come) was unsettling to me. But what could be done, eh!? Couldn’t be helped. Matter sorted.

(continued in part 4)